whoever might want to know, i’m okay! i’m doin good. just not on tumblr lol

feel free to message me tho❤

druuzy:

Anyways. valentines day triggers the fuck out of me and im gonna die probably, die real fucking soon like fr

I did live and im okay about it now.

i was thinking about this time last year, around hitting my personal rock bottom. i found this old text post

its okay to change. its okay to grow. its okay to move on. its okay to get older. its okay to get completely different. its okay to give up your old and broken ways. its okay to learn and try again. its okay to engage. its okay to admit you had it all wrong, its okay to be vulnerable for a while, its okay to trust, its okay to start over. its okay to decide. its okay to be responsible. its okay to receive. its okay to give. its okay to change. its okay to hope. its okay to have faith. its okay to love.

any prayer requests?

all of us are a work in progress!! praise God for conviction. never settle in your sin, never define yourself as it, to go back in it. the main goal is to grow in Christ and do His will. so with His help we can stop doing all known sin out of love for Him. and always learning what sin is in us

im sorry im not perfect! but i am steadily changing so i feel much hope for all of us.

the Lord is my special interest and thats just great isnt it

i got baptized today!! 🙌💖 im really happy

thoughyourheartisaching:

starlight-in-your-eyes:

do you ever just think about Jesus living here on earth 

i think sometimes we tend to think He just bounced from one miracle to another and everyday was a Bible story but His ministry lasted for three years and the Gospels don’t actually cover that much so

imagine all those ordinary days?? 

He probably had favorite foods and morning routines and sore dirty feet from walking while sweat ran in His eyes in the hot Judean sun and He got blisters and hiccups and colds and maybe He snored 

all the times He laughed till He cried and i bet He had inside jokes with His disciples. imagine having an inside joke with the person who gives you breath to laugh in the first place 

and He had human skills He knew how to build a house and cook and wash his clothes and read 

passing food at the dinner table and bumping hands with Jesus 

talking about silly inconsequential things like the weather 

maybe some nights John was sleepy and he leaned against Jesus and could hear His heartbeat 

maybe some nights a disciple had insomnia and he climbed out of his bedroll to find Jesus sitting against a rock, looking up at heaven, and they sat and watched the stars together 

(the God of the universe looking up through short-sighted eyes at His creation, and the disciple wants so badly to ask what it was like to shape each star, but he looks at those calloused human hands and something in him trembles) 

do you ever think that the ordinary days so far outnumbered the miraculous ones that the disciples, sometimes, almost forgot

and then He goes and turns water into wine and feeds five thousand people from a kid’s lunch and brings dead Lazarus walking alive out of the tomb and they just kind of lose their breath

not because they didn’t expect deity to accomplish the impossible but because this God has been living with them

it’s not the miracles that are unthinkable

This is so beautiful.

Also, imagine his ordinary days with his family. Imagine Joseph telling him stories and he listening, paying attention. Imagine when Joseph and Mary put child Jesus in bed and could hear his breathing sounds. Or imagine the inside jokes he had with his mother about his father, or with his father about his mother. Imagine the God of the world not only looking at the stars but also watching the majesty of a sunset. Imagine child Jesus running around the house, singing beautiful and cute cultural songs that Mary might’ve taught him. Imagine his joy when he ate his favorite food or taking a bath after a hot day. 

Imagine Joseph’s doubt when figuring out that he would have to teach carpentry to God himself. And that Jesus, the Lord, actually took time to listen and learn his old father’s words. Imagine God’s humble attitudes. We usually say that he humbled himself by coming as a human. But it’s only when we actually think about what makes us human, that we get the idea of how big was it. The God of the world taking time and putting effort to learn what we, merely humans, had to teach/say. And he wanted to. He wanted to be near us. And be one of us. When God lowered himself, that’s when He showed us how big He was. 

katholikos:

chiefsasstronaut:

arguewithatree:

positivebeatsthenegative:

cardiocutie:

Guys you don’t understand how awesome this is. This pattern happens everywhere. It happens on flowers and pinecones absolutely vegetables, it happens all around you. If you don’t think that’s like the realist shit ever i don’t understand you.It’s insane how the universe is literally full of beauty to the point that we can’t even see some of it. Beautiful down to the way it moves.

this is so cool

God is indescribably awesome.

Science is indescribably awesome.

God AND science are indescribably awesome. Science does not create these things, but allows us to see them.

oh hey, watch this! Its so cool!

do yall remember me complaining about never being happy?! well i really wasnt being dramatic i just rarely experienced the emotion and when i did it was from good old psychosis+dissociation

but i keep feeling happiness ! and it keeps confusing me bc its so unfamiliar and thats like so sad . i was doing so terribly 

does anyone remember something about one of my headmates that you talked to maybe? :O

i have this sense of, i feel like i was an outline and ive been colored in..

like i was an outline for a long long time, waiting for this, and i was almost faded away, and a few times there i almost curled into an ugly shape

mylifeisroosterteeth:

you know what you shouldnt do? constantly tell your child how expensive they are to take care of. because eventually, that child gets scared of asking for money, and doesnt feed themself at school, doesnt go places with their friends that require money, because she doesnt want to be expensive. it really does get into their minds, that theyre too much money and that they shouldnt do anything.

 i feel like i miss those things id clutch to, but now have let go of. i guess it somewhat reminds me of missing an abusive partner like helo IT WASNT SAFE!!!! NOTHING WAS SAFE  dont confuse yourself :((

but i really didnt just let go, i threw them out of my hands once i came to my senses and realized i was being burned. i Realized and cant go back so its never gonna be that numbness in avoidant ignorance anymore. and i miss it like that, and i just want both but both cant be, obviously. theres more responsible sorts of comforts, and i need to get over the instant gratification if i want anything lasting, which i DO. i mustnt forget how tired i was of those same things, though now im trying to remember it all wrong like it was doing anything for me anyways :/ id likely have died..  the only reason it SEEMS this way? its that i was clutching to it, ahaha

theres the moment, the feeling, and then about three scales larger of meaning, and man, im focusing on the largest scale here and its GOOD to! the big picture is better for me i get caught up in taking the steps so staying pointed in the right direction is great to focus on